Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My life is pants optional.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
