She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
