My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
