if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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