just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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