Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
