I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
