im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
