why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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