He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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