your thong is hanging out like whoa
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
