I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
