p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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