Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
