Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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