Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
