Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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