Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
