I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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