if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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