batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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