My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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