we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
