i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
