Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
