I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
