Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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