Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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