i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
