We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
