The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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