so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In America we eat man semen.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
