I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
