puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
