The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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