You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
