She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
