is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
