my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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