On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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