You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
