the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Your dad touched me again.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
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