I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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