Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I need moral support for this bender
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
