you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
