ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
