3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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