Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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