tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
