I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
