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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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