i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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