If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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