i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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