I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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