I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
