Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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