You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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