He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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