she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
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I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
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The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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