i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
