And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
