hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
