My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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