Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
