We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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