but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
