New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
