happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
