i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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