why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
