I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
