You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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