Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
