yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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