We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
