omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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