i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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