I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
True college students do jello shots in the library
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