FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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