i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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