I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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