Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
