:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
