well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
